Here is what I get in return: a lifetime companion I can count on. If you’re finding yourself having to do that with potential partners, the answer isn’t to blame men and stop dating…the answer is to attract and pick the right guy.A partner who puts me first, supports me in everything I do, makes my life easier and more joyful, and makes me feel special, safe and loved every single day. 2) Men want the real you and don’t want you to change.Albert Einstein once said, “Women marry men hoping they will change. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Men consistently lament the loss of the women they thought they married. Because we bend like a pretzel to snag a man and then become our real selves once we feel secure…much to his surprise!If you are independent and have things you feel you must do in your life…be that and do that. The real surprise is this: an amazing thing happens when you find the good man you love: some of your priorities change.As a dating and relationship coach – and a woman who was a first‑time bride at 47 – I’m quite aware of what we tell ourselves: Men can’t handle smart, powerful women. I constantly have to put food away that he doesn’t put in the fridge.This is who I am and I'm not going to change for any man. I hung on to them nice and tight until I realized that they were myths. Fast forward to the present: I’ve been married 5 years. I visit his kids in the midwest instead of going to Hawaii. Why would you choose a man who wants you to act in ways you don’t want to act, or give up things that you love?Are you a single woman over 40 who is smart, independent and thinking there are no good men out there?I hope you don’t mind my saying this: you are wrong.
We explored whether a woman’s independence served as a repellent for men. Equipped with a, “By means necessary” spirit, independent women come to the table with an abundant amount of resources and skills.
This article is not about the “strong Black woman” stereotype.
It is hella negative, inaccurate and does not take into account why Black women are the way they are.
I wrote about just how damaging I think this stereotype is to Black love, and you can check it out here.
The strong Black woman that I’m talking about doesn’t fit into any stereotype. She isn’t terribly independent to the point where she makes life difficult for herself and those around her.
I’m going to wait for the man who accepts me just the way I am and if he doesn't come along then I'll be just as happy. The truth was out there plain as day but, as we do with so many of our beliefs, I simply refused contrary evidence. I didn’t owe anyone anything, so no one was the boss of me. I have a lifestyle of my choosing, see my girlfriends when I want, and maintain my own priorities and routine. I don’t owe anyone anything, and no one is the boss of me. I’m trying to learn to love sailing even though I could have happily lived my entire life without it. Why would you pick a man who doesn’t admire your independence and honor your ability to get what you want in life?