” I hear my father flipping channels.“So I don’t trust your timetable! ”My first boyfriend and I had been dating two months when Christmas came along.
”“He’s watching The Godfather again,” my mom says, then: “You do care about-”“Don’t say the name! I’d planned his gift—a copy of Edward Albee’s Seascape and a gum wrapper necklace—for 90 days, and watching him open it, I knew I’d scored. Although strangely, I’m fine with giving hand-jobs. Not only do I try to keep hand-job references to a minimum with them, but I don’t believe past trauma excuses present dysfunction.
When he broke up with me the next day, I pointed out that maybe he should have pulled the plug before I gave him a Christmas present, not to mention a hand-job. Still, my pathological reluctance to drop money at my beloved JCrew when they’re offering a whopping thirty percent off an obviously perfect gift is probably not normal.
He said he thought the hand-job was a nice final memory for us. (Nor, arguably, is letting one’s parents this far into one’s personal life, but one dysfunction per post please.)So what is normal at five months? It also tries to change my question to “What’s normal to buy you’re (sic) girlfriend if she’s 13?
I’m sitting at my parent’s kitchen table, circling my cursor over the purchase button on my laptop screen.“For fuck sake,” says my father, “just buy the damn thing.”I shake my head.
“I’m not ready.”“You’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes,” my mother says.“Is sitting here such a problem?
” My father pours coffee.“If I buy it, it’ll mean I care.”“You do care.” My mother looks at me over her reading glasses.“Well, I don’t want you-know-who to know that! ” My mother sets down her i Phone, clearly resigned to the fact that Words with Friends will have to wait.“Yes.”“For how long now? ” My father leaves the room.“It is perfectly acceptable to buy the person you’re dating a Christmas present after five months,” my mother says.“It would be fucked up if you didn’t!
” My dad yells from the living room.“You got engaged at two months,” I yell back.“So?
Here are some ideas to help you find the right gift for your date.), so it's totally OK if you're feeling a little panicked about what to get a new partner for Valentine's Day.For those of you who've spent the last week frantically scrolling through Amazon, the good news is that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be as high-pressure as you might assume.Tickets to an event You are already dating so the chances are that you’re thinking of things that you could do together.Many shows sell out quickly so it’s worth looking ahead and seeing what’s coming up in your area.