It’s actually slightly enraging to read some of these messages that these guys are sending to some of my female friends, only because all I can think is “HOW THIS IS MY COMPETITION!? Especially when I receive screen shots of first messages like the one below : I can’t even. That, somehow they are “beating the system” and not really having to do any work, other than craft a single super generic message and send it out dozens of times.
Ultimately 90% of it comes down to what you look like. Just cuts the bullshit since all that matters most the time is your look. I'm black and the majority of the women on each site weren't. I try to pick out one incongruent detail and hope that she will emerge from her shell.
The thing is, even if she’s interesting, she most likely wrote a whole bunch of clichés in her profile: “I’m nice, smart, kind, warm, funny, honest and family-oriented. I’m looking for my best friend, lover and partner in crime for a lifetime of love and laughter.” (Scary how easy it is to approximate the typical online dating profile, isn’t it? Even a specific response like “I noticed you enjoy biking. For example, if you’re writing to the foot model, you might say: Let’s drink to our fashion careers, Evan Sure, it’s a little goofy, but people actually respond to this stuff. Because it’s different, it’s audacious and, in a strange way, it’s kind of smart. It’s not an idle compliment or a generic, “Ooh, look what we have in common” line. Start your comment in the subject heading of the email, like this… Talk to you soon, Evan If these kinds of emails don’t work for you, no problem. Just keep in mind that the confidence it takes to write an email like that is compelling.
It’s a joke and, as we all know, people like people who make them laugh. I can fix your computer, landscape your backyard and probably even hotwire your car, but, for some reason, Ti Vo programming seems to elude me as well. Playing it safe is fine, but if an attractive person has dozens, if not hundreds, of options, you need to shake things up a little bit to break through the clutter. Interesting piece, which I’ll have to parse at length when I have the time…but it leads me to throw out a theory I’ve been kicking around.
I know this has been discussed on the ok cupid thread but that thread is vast and a summary on this specific question would be useful. A quick cold-read of their ethnic background works decently for me at getting replies. Recently I've been accusing them of looking like trouble. Wit plays well regardless, but fine-tuning your messages improve your response rate.
When you are sending out a first message on an online dating site, what are proven, tried and tested first messages? I don't think there's going to be any one magic universal opener that will blow the doors off any and every girl. Many examples of guys putting lines up on here and within days being called out for it because every third message she receives is your own opener.. Within those categories, I've observed some patterns for success.
Since I write a blog about the good, bad and funny of online dating, a lot of my female friends send me a lot of their good, bad and funny interactions from online dating.